Greater South Asian Group of the Washington DC RegionExperiences
My name is Seema Nayyar. I came in this country in 1992 and my husband introduced me to this practice, to chant "Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo." I just followed him as a good wife, without having any faith.
I chanted almost every day just like a formality. Even though I had no faith, I was able to accumulate a lot of fortune through this practice that I did not acknowledged in my initial years.
In 1997, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and that was a turning point in my life. For the first time in my life, I sat in front of the gohonzon and made a goal for her life. I needed to know whether this practice worked or not. First, the goal was if my mom would overcome this cancer that means this Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo works. I chanted morning and evening. My mom got radiation therapy, which helped her to reduce the cancer cells and I got some faith in this practice, but after a few weeks she was again suffering with pain. The cancer grew more in her body and she was crying day and night with pain.
We were living in a two bedroom condominium and her bedroom was next to my bedroom. All day and night, I heard her pain. I was chanting wholeheartedly to have my mom healthy like before but she was not improving. I was reading President Ikeda's guidance and I read about death. A clear awareness and correct understanding of the nature of death can enable us to live without fear and with strength, clarity of purpose, and joy. Death is a necessary part of the life process, making possible renewal and new growth. Upon death, our lives return to the vast ocean of life, just as an individual wave crests and subsides back into the wholeness of the sea. Through death, the physical elements of our bodies, as well as the fundamental life-force that supports our existence, are returned and "recycled" through the universe. Ideally, death can be experienced as a period of rest, like a rejuvenating sleep that follows the strivings and exertions of the day.
I really liked this guidance and did not know it when I changed myself. One day I was chanting in front of the gohonzon and praying for her health, all of sudden I felt a change in me. I wondered why I was praying only for what I want, why don't I think from the point of view of my mother? As a child, I always wanted my mother to live forever, but for a person who is sick, does that person want to live or not? My prayer changed: I began chanting that whatever is best for my mom should happen to her. If she has to die, she should die peacefully.
I know it was very difficult to chant like that, but all I was doing was for my mom's happiness. I liked this change in me. In May 1998, my mother went back to India to perform her duties before she died. In July 1998, she died. I was very sad at her death, but the only thing I asked my family members in India was did she suffer when she died. My sister told me "no." In fact, two weeks before her death, my mom stopped taking any pain medicine and declared that she is about to die. She did not cry with pain and she died peacefully. For me, my prayer was answered. But it may not be easy for others to understand such a prayer. But for me, my mom's peaceful death was answer to my wholehearted prayer. I cannot repay my debt of gratitude to her, because she has given two births to me: one when I was born as a baby and the second when she made me close to this Gohonzon through her cancer.
At this point, I wanted to know more about this practice. I wanted to know what is the meaning of Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo for very first time. The more I was studying about this practice, the more my faith was strengthening day after day. I wanted to know what is Karma -- this is very difficult to understand, but once you understand it, it is easy to change. Karma is your actions, thoughts, words, and deeds. According to Buddhism, you can change any karma in this lifetime. How you change your Karma is by taking responsibility for your actions and then chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo to change it. The very first thing I did was to tell my close relatives and friends how much value they have in my life. I love my friends and relatives but I never had the courage to say, I love you or I miss you. When you tell your close friends that you really like them, then you are overcoming your egoistic behavior.
I also learned how forgiving brings so much happiness into your life and how praying for others' happiness brings so much fortune in your life. I was not only studying all these things but I was applying them in my own life. My family environment was so changed. I was feeling so happy when others were progressing in their lives and I felt the pain when others were suffering. I was amazed at this change, because it seemed that just studying cannot change such things in me. The reason was that, when I studied, I chanted Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo too. This NMHRK was tapping my inner qualities. I was able to understand that everything is in me, and also realize that, yes, I can make the impossible possible. I was so truly happy with this, because I was not at the mercy of any external power to change my life. I understood Karma very well and I became courageous enough to take responsibility for my karma.
I was so happy with this change and I involved myself in SGI activities. My kids enjoy participating in all activities too. I knew the mission of my life and helping others were giving me so much happiness to me.
I made a vow to change my karma so as to give an example to people who are suffering. I never chanted thinking "changing karma is my mission." The two things that looked impossible to change in my life were my husband's alcoholism and his financial success. His alcoholism was so bad that sometimes I felt like leaving him forever, but one guidance always kept encouraging me to "change poison into medicine." I understood this to mean that any unfavorable situation can be changed into a source of value.
More fundamentally, it is by challenging and overcoming painful circumstances that we grow as human beings. Buddhism teaches that suffering derives from karma, the causes that we ourselves have created. The Buddhist teaching of karma is one of personal responsibility. It is therefore our responsibility to transform sufferings into value-creating experiences. The Buddhist view of karma is not fixed or fatalistic — even the most deeply entrenched karmic patterns can be transformed. Sometimes my husband's behavior was abusive and I felt like throwing the poison away which I was thinking is my husband. But that does not guarantee it will bring me happiness.
I wrote down my goal and started chanting about it. I was chanting for my husband's happiness. I was not blaming his alcoholism as the cause of my suffering. I took the responsibility for this karma and determined to change it through my chanting. I made a vow that my kids and others will not suffer because of his alcoholism. When I chanted like this, he stopped drinking at home — that means the kids were not suffering.
I know all the qualities in my husband but people would only see his alcoholism and were judging him based on that, and often said unpleasant things about him. Even though I was hurt by his behavior, it was very painful to hear such negative things about him from my own circle of friends. Sometimes I asked myself, why me? I don't think negatively about others, so why do these unpleasant words come to me about my husband?
I read President Ikeda's guidance and Nichiren Daisohonin's writings: "Suffer what there is to suffer and enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy part of your life and keep chanting NMHRK." I started appreciating his alcoholism which was making me close to the gohonzon. My prayer was, Thank you for playing a negative role in my life, which has made me so close to this gohonzon — I know you suffer too, by playing this role in our life, but now I want you to play a positive role to become an example to others that these kinds of tough karma can be changed by chanting NMHRK." This July we came back from California after a wedding and he has stopped drinking at all, even at parties — I never that expected from him!
My other karma change is to see my husband as a financially successful person. We live in a very beautiful house. I have a very good job and we have other sources of income too. We never felt like we need a lot of money because we are very happy with what we have. However, we both always wanted to make a community center for SGI, but financially we are not that strong. We both made a vow in this life we will make one community center. I knew in my heart we will do it without any problem. I chanted to have my husband's financial success, so I can spend more time for world peace and with my kids.
In May of this year, we saw one property "an estate house on 11 acres of land." The house was so beautiful that I really wanted to have it. The moment I saw that house, I felt very mystically that my financial karma got a breakthrough. I told my husband I want this house. He was surprised at my decision, because he knows I always think several times before investing anywhere. He wondered how come I signed for this house immediately? He said, Seema this house is very expensive, we don't make enough money to afford this expensive house. I said just believe me, we will be able to do it. He asked me who will pay for the mortgage and my answer was You. He must be thinking how stupid I am? He told me I know you believe in this practice but there is also a word that is called common sense. I said just believe on NMHRK and we will do it. Nice thing about him is that he never forces me to change my mind.
But I knew he was not happy with my decision. I put one of Nichiren's writing in front of my gohonzon: "Those who believe in the Lotus Sutra are as if in winter, but winter always turns to spring. Never, from ancient times on, has anyone heard or seen winter turning back to autumn. Nor have ever heard of a believer in the Lotus Sutra who turned into an ordinary person." And I knew my spring was about to come.
I chanted to have the wisdom to find out the correct field for my husband. He used to have a transportation business in India and he loved that one. I chanted that he should do whatever makes him happy. I was very much concerned with his happiness. He started working in that business and wanted to open the business in last August. We invested in the business in August of this year and, in first week, he made the money that he used to make in one month. Now he can expand his business without any problem. I know the way this business is growing, soon I may not be working full-time anymore. Can you believe, in a few months I was able to have a breakthrough in the karma that was with me from last 12 years? Now we can make our own kaikan without any problem in our 11 acres of land. If my husband would have been making a six-figure income, I would never be able to afford this expensive house. If my husband would never have been drunk, I would never be able to understand his importance in my life. I really loved the way he came in my life. Because of him, I am totally different person, I know what happiness is. I am the happiest person on this earth and it is because of him.
Thanks,
Seema Nayyar